Existential Crisis
by justbeache
Summary: Set after Daddy issues. Damon's thoughts and actions that will lead to an interesting conversation with Katherine. Chapter 4 Damon & Stefan have a heart to heart. Characters S/E & D/E  fantasy
1. Chapter 1

_**Existential Crisis:**_

Why, after so many years of this cursed existence, did he have to fall for the same girl as his brother, again?

Well, all he could say was karma's a bitch... It must be getting him back for all the people he killed and the torment he has inflicted on Stefan and others over the years.

Now as he lies in bed, he hears them. The soft whispers, the moans and ultimately the cries of ecstasy as they find pleasure in each others bodies.

When he wants sex or a warm meal, or even both. He has to settle for sorority girls…victims that he compels. Someone that can never choose him….or reject him, because he gives them no choice.

Someone like Andie. Which was a departure from his usual fare, but tasty none the less. She was sexed, feed on, compelled and sent on her way home while he's left alone., well not quiet alone, he can hear them again.

It doesn't look like Stefan will let her sleep tonight. No, he wouldn't either if she was his. _Stop… Just don't go there… _They were both so good, his brother and Elena. They cared so much about others and they were good for each other, and so good together.

Something he would never be, because no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't be good. He always ends up fucking up… succumbing to his nature.

_Damn it all! _He just needed to stop torturing himself. He needed to get out. Within seconds, he finds himself running through the woods, rather aimlessly until he realizes where he has wandered too.

_Wow_. He really can't believe he ended up here. He really is a masochist. The tomb. Or in other words, Katherine. He wants her to feel as bad as he does right now.

Maybe he'll give her a play by play of the activities he's had to suffer through tonight….at least he won't be alone.

Oh, and he better take her a peace offering, he grabs a bunny for her along the way and snaps its neck. She'll need a snack.

Oh, the irony. Watching her resort to eating bunnies… Like Stefan, who she 'loves', but can never have. He smiled sadistically. Now that's truly funny. It makes him feel better already.


	2. Chapter 2

Walking into the exterior part of the tomb, Damon tosses the rabbit through the open doorway and watches as Katherine grabs it and drains it dry.

"Did you enjoy that?" he asks smirking as he takes a seat leaning back against the wall. "It only seems like yesterday that you were feasting on people blood. Now, you've acquired the Stefan diet of eating bunnies." he quips

"Why are you here Damon?" she asks, looking dirty and the most disheveled that he had ever seen her.

"Nostalgia? Penance? Torture? You choose one. You've always enjoyed effecting my choices anyway."

"Ok. Nostalgia." Katherine responds, thinking that was were she would get the most response from him, and maybe manipulate his feelings for her again.

"So you want me to talk about our sick little threesome. Where you basically fucked me and my brother, without each other knowing, promising me eternity with you, and all the while planning your escape?" He explodes, his deep, angry voice bouncing off the tomb walls and echoing back to them. "Or maybe the fact that you never loved me? That it was my baby brother, Stefan, that you truly wanted?"

"Ok, maybe nostalgia was the wrong choice," She responds, annoyed that her plan had backfired, "What about penance? What penance are you paying, Damon?" Katherine asks him, standing and tapping her chin with her index finger. "Trying to make up for your past sins against your brother? Trying to prove that you could be good enough for Elena, but knowing that no matter how hard you try, you're still going to fail?

"How about what's torturing you? It's them, isn't it? being in the same house with you, and you getting to hear all their whisperings, the lingering stares and touches or maybe you heard a lot more than that. Do they know that you sit in the dark, listening to their most intimate moments?" She finished with an evil, yet lovely, smirk on her face.

Damon's ice blue eyes gave him away, just for a second, before he could control them. They flashed hurt, then he quickly recovered it with a smirk. "I was home tonight and I just couldn't resist listening to them. They don't hold back anything from each other, you know. '_Oh Stefan. God, you're amazing. Yes, kiss me there.' 'Elena, you taste incredible.' _It reminds me of being in bed with you 145 years ago. Did you teach him that too? I know what you wanted from me and I guess you taught both of us how to please you. And now he's using all those skills on her." His eyes flashed at her in sadistic enjoyment when he saw the look of pain flash across her face before she fixed him with a cold stare, "Hurts doesn't it? But I have more experience than my brother. I've lost count of all the woman that I've had. I could pleasure her in ways she can't even imagine."

She smirked seductively, "Hmm. I'd like to give it another go... For old time's sake." She moved away from the door way to make room for Damon.

He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest, "Yeah, that's never going to happen, as I said before, I rather poke my eyes out."

"Fine. It makes no difference to me. It's not like I actually _care _what you've done. Or _who _you've done." She said icily before she continued in the same tone, "But you'll never get that chance with her. Will you?" She smirked again. "That's part of the torture. You know it will never be you, and yet you can't leave. You still have to stay and protect what you can never have.

"Why do you even do it, Damon? It's not you and it will never _be_ you. It's not who you are. You haven't been that person for over one hundred and forty five years. And it's much too late for you to change now."

"Well, you'll never get the chance either, will you, Kat? She's sweet, kind, loving, and most of all _good._ You've never been any of those things, except when it fit the role you were playing. And Stefan's all about his girl being a goody two shoes like him," He remarked sarcastically.

She looked thoughtful for a moment before she spoke in a slightly seductive voice. "Maybe I can… Maybe we _both _can have what we want... If you decide to help me._"_


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N This is mixed story S/E and D/E fantasy. I'm mainly a canon lover but wanted to include D/E because of the UST between them. Obviously it's rated M and you should know that this chapter lives up to that rating. Also, leave me love and tell me how I'm doing. Should I keep this story going?**_

_**2nd**__** note the italics in this chapter are Damon having his fantasy.**_

"_**What are you babbling about?" Damon asked sarcastically, even though his curiosity getting the better of him.**_

"_**I want him back, you want her, and we are who we are…" She trailed off.**_

_**He sighed. "Katherine. If you're saying what I think you're saying then I'm positive you've lost you're mind. We still have Klaus to deal with and all that other bullshit. I don't want to listen to you and you're insane, manipulative, and just plain psychotic**_** plans."**

**He began to walk away, before she called out his name. He turned around. "What**_**?**_**" He asked, growing annoyed at the vampire in front of him.**

**Her brown eyes were sad looking, and he could tell she was pouting. He scoffed. "Don't tell me you're pouting **_**again**_** to try and get me to do what you want?"**

**Her eyes were still sad and so was her voice as she said, "No, Damon. I just want to finally ****have the man I love, back after all these years of being apart. And I know you want Elena and you know you'll never get her as long as Stefan's in the picture," She paused for a moment, "Just think about it. Come see me tomorrow and tell me your answer." She looked to her left at the small rabbit in disdain, "And if you could, bring something a little more appetizing? Maybe one of those blood bank baggies that I know you have and a change of clothes too." She smiled sweetly trying to appease him with her continued statement.**

"**We will get past all of this, I know that between Isobel & John. You and Stefan. We will find a way to deal with Klaus, get me out of this tomb, protect Elena and then maybe who knows…." she lets the thought trail off. **

**He grimaced and looked back over his shoulder at her before vanishing around the corner and climbing the stairs out of the tomb. She was just being nice to get him to do what she wanted. He felt sick to his stomach as he realized it was working. Somewhere in the back of his mind he still cared for her, but why? After everything she did to him, why did he feel the need to want to please her?**

**Walking back into the house he grabs a blood bag and pours himself a drink. Thinking about what Katherine wanted and what he wanted too. Grabbing his drink and heading towards he's room, he slows down as he gets closer to Stefan's room, then he hears it. The sound of his brother and the girl he loves (the girl he loves too) making love. It sounded so loving, the words they whispered to each other, so reverent. If only it was him…He closes his eyes and imagines what he it would be to finally be able to make love to her, no, he wouldn't make love to her, it would be way hotter than that, it would so intense...**

_**Slowly he walks towards her, he stares at her as she stares back both their eyes saying that this would be the night, that all the feelings that they had been ignoring would be explored. and then her slowly her eyes move to stare at his lips as he slowly lowers his head to capture her lips, sliding his tongue into her mouth and capturing hers and bringing it back into his mouth. The sexiness of their kiss was quickly escalating into full blown mating dance, as his hands cup her breast, reaching to tear open her top and he lowers his mouth to her throat, trailing his tongue all the way to the top of her bra. **_**Wait. This was his fantasy, she could totally be naked under her dress, yes dress**_**. As he pulled up her hem and lowered his zipper almost simultaneously. He needed to be inside her now! **_

**Realizing he was standing outside their bedroom, in the midst of this mental fuck, he quickly rounded the corner, and made for his room. Yes, he definitely needed a shower, a cold shower. But why? Why not indulge himself. It wasn't something he normal would do, he could get laid anytime he wanted really, with or without compulsion. But this could be something that he could do with all his feelings for Elena. Stripping off his clothes and letting them fall to the floor as he makes his way to his bed. He quickly remembers where he left off on his fantasy. **

_**Pushing her against the wall as he pushes himself inside of her, wrapping her legs around him and taking her roughly. He hadn't even made sure she was ready. But feeling her now, clinching with each stroke, he knew she wanted him as badly as he needed her. God, this felt amazing, he was not being a gentle lover, this was primal, fuck the girl until she can't walk, need. **_**Closing his hand around himself, it made for a cheap substitute for what he was sure was the most exquisite pussy he would ever encounter, with each stroke of his fist bringing him closer to completion. **_**His hands are on her ass, bringing them closer to the edge with every thrust of his hips,**__**The sounds that are coming out of her mouth urged him on, 'Please Damon, more, more!' Her hands in his hair, tugging, pulling his lips back to hers and driving him crazy with deep tongue kisses that matched each thrust of his length into her. Knowing he won't last too much longer, feeling the tightening of her body around him,"Elena!" he cries out her name as her inner walls milk him. 'DAMON!' **_**_She cries, their voices mingling together, their release overpowering them both.. "_Elena!" He cries out, As he lets himself go, shooting his release onto his hands and belly**_**. **_

_**"God," he thought as he tries to catch his breath, that was the most intense self love that he could remember, laying back against his pillows, he starts to feel relaxed for the first time in days. Then, he hears it, his door opening, he grabs for the sheet to cover himself just as Stefan walks into his bedroom.**_


	4. Chapter 4

A/N

I was really blocked on writing this one. Hopefully (after several rewrites) it turned out ok.

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Previously in chapter 3.….

God, as he tries to catch his breath, that was the most intense self love that he could remember, laying back against his pillows, he starts to feel relaxed for the first time in days. Then, he hears it, his door opening, he grabs for the sheet to cover himself just as Stefan walks into his bedroom.

* * *

"Damon?" Stefan calls out to him as he opens the door, walking into the room, stopping short before reaching the bed.

Damon rarely struggled with guilt. But fantasizing about his brother's girl and then his brother walking in, made him feel something he hadn't felt in along time, embarrassment. He decided to pretend to be asleep and hope that Stefan hadn't heard what he had been up too.

"Damon, are you asleep?" Stefan asks him walking over to the side of Damon's bed.

Pretending to wake up and to be irritated with Stefan. "What? Why are you in my room, waking me up Stefan?"

"I need to talk to you." Stefan told him

"Can't it wait 'til morning?" Damon replied his voice still showing his irritation.

"Sorry, but you rarely sleep, so I just assumed that you would be awake." Stefan signed and turned to walk out of the room.

"Just spill it. And leave Stefan." Damon tells him in a exasperated voice.

"I'm going to take Elena away for the weekend. Maybe to see a play in DC. But I want your opinion on whether we should tell anyone where we are going?"

"A play, in DC? That's what was so important that you disturbed my sleep?" Putting extra emphasis on important.

"But that's not the real reason you are here. Is it?" Damon continued, this time with a small amount of seriousness.

"No, I'll get to that in a minute. Look Damon, I know you weren't sleeping, so let's both stop pretending that we don't know what was going on in here before I arrived."

"So, you heard. That's not surprising since I hear just about everything you two do together. Are you going to call me out? What will it be? Swords? Or shall it be pistols at dawn?" Damon smirked waving his hand like it was holding a sword and then finishing with a fake quick draw with his finger as the gun.

"How about a stake to the heart?" Stefan answered with a slight smirk of his own. "I can't say that I'm happy you have fantasies about my girlfriend but I'm not going to fight with you over it unless you ever touch her. Then it will be World War Three." Stefan said, raising his eyebrows and looking Damon dead in the eyes.

"Ah, threats. That's more like it. Look, I'm clearly more than capable of stealing your girl but she 'says' she loves you and you are my brother…" Damon's voice trailed off not wanting to admit any feelings for Stefan. "Plus, she's not Katherine…." Damon said, letting his words trail off again but knowing that Stefan caught the implied meaning that Elena was loyal, Katherine was not.

Katherine. Everything always came back to her. Her playing with both brothers, dividing them, getting them killed, turning them. Also the fact that 146 years later they still had major trust issues that could all be traced back to her. And of course for Damon, him loving her for all those years and then finding out that she only loved Stefan , was still a real sore point with him.

"About Elena and me and this trip we are taking, I'm going to take the next step with her."

Damon couldn't contain his look of surprise at Stefan's announcement. "What's the next step? Marriage?" His voice showing strain. "Have you discussed this with Elena?"

"Not really in depth, we've just touched on it briefly. But I think I can safely say that we don't want to be apart anymore. So it's the next logical step."

"Are you going to turn her?"

"That we haven't discussed."

"But you have thought about it, admit it."

"I have thought about it everyday since we first confessed our feelings for each other. I've always been so torn about asking her to, literally, give up her life for me. But with Klaus coming, it is starting to look like an option we can't ignore." Stefan concludes with a sigh.

"So are you going to ask her to be your 'vampire wife' this weekend?" Damon asked with his usual snark.

"No, we're going to talk about our future and after we decide on some things, I'll decide when the timing is right to give her a ring."

"You have our Mother's ring, are you going to give her that?"

"No, you're the first born son, it should go to you."

"Like I'm ever going to use it. Elena should have it."

"No, I've taken enough from you already. If we decide that this is the right course for us, I'll buy a ring."

"Stefan, I want to be happy for you but…." he leaves the sentence hanging

"Damon, I'm sorry, for everything. For Katherine. For making you turn. For our Father. For hurting you with this… If I could live without her, I would. But I can't. I won't give her up. She's my soul mate."

"I know, I know. I've heard all this from her. You guys were meant to be. You're the reason why she lives, blah,blah." Damon concludes sarcastically.

"I'm sorry for what your going through but I know that your feelings for Elena has changed you for the better, Damon."

"Stop!" Damon said his voice filled with barely controlled anger. "We've bonded enough tonight. Next you'll be telling me to keep on the good guy, hero path. That there's a girl out there just for me, and other bullshit like that. Just leave Stefan, go back to your room, your girl, your bright future, that's so fucking perfect it makes me want to shoot myself with wooden bullets."

Stefan turns to walk away, knowing his brother. He's getting snakier by the minute, and that means he's had all he can take tonight. But he can't help but add.

"Whether you choose to believe me or not. I care for you and wish things could be different." Stefan tells him, as he walks out the door, and back to Elena.

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A/N

Reviews are encouragement. Leave me some if you like what I'm writing. Should this story continue? Let me know via review or PM.


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